What NOT to Say When You Pick up your Child from Kindi
Because there is always room for improvement
There is a question that has been asked from the beginning of time. Do you know which one I’m talking about?
The legendary: “How was your day”?
Seriously! How often have you replied honestly and thoroughly to this question between the age of 4 years and now?
It’s the same as saying “How are you doing” at the checkout counter: no one wants to have a conversation, and no one pays attention to your answer.
“How was your day” is a well-meaning, extremely generic and kind of pointless question, asked to an overwhelmed being (a child in this case) that has had to deal with a massive rollercoaster of feelings for the past hours (peers pressure, demanding teacher, unfamiliar foods, a scratch on the playground, missing mummy, and so many noises and information coming from everywhere), and needs assistance to express what has happened, as he doesn’t know where to start from.
Think about you, when you come home from an exhausting day at work; you walk through the door, someone asks you how your day was, you politely reply “Good” or “shit”, depending on the severity of the situation, and then you g on with our lives, have a shower, make dinner, get changed and so forth.
You answer, but you don’t talk or share.
We are used to this routine, but what if there was a better way to communicate with our little love that still doesn’t know much about handling feelings and they haven’t yet learned the ins and outs of how to be communicative?
Next time you pick up your child, I invite you to ask the following questions:
What would u have done differently today?
This is a great way to make your child think; he will start thinking about his daily activities, and only then he will be able to come up with the right answer. It will give him perspective on how things could be handled differently, and if you listen carefully instead of giving unwanted advice, he will start trusting you and asking for your opinion.
I’m sure you will get the “Ummmm, I don’t know” answer, which is fine; your child may not be ready to talk, or he needs some extra time. In that case, give him what he needs, and ask the question at a different time.
What was the best thing that happened today?
This is a great starter if you want to bring joy into the conversation and if you want to become part of your child’s life; you are going to get the funniest and delicious answers, and I invite you to open your ears and truly listen, because this is a way for your child to give you all the info on what is going on in his ever-expanding brain.
I heard a variety of answers such as “I saved a snail” to “I convinced…to let me chew her hair”; this information give you a massive insight into what is important on your child’s life and on how he is processing the outside world. Don’t half listen, pay attention to what he is expressing, as much as you would pay attention to an adult that is finally ready to open up.
What mistake have you done and how are u going to behave next time?
This question has 2 benefits. It’s going to invite your child to think very hard on what he has done and how he has behaved and understand if any mistake was truly made. Secondly, this is going to teach him that mistakes are fine and that we learn from them.
You can’t expect your 3 years old child to give you a full answer, and he will probably find some difficulties in coming up with a solution, but that’s what you are there for; to support him to grow, and to challenge his thinking constructively.
Silence
Silence is gold. For both parties.
I have a sensitive child, and if I pick her up from kindies and take her to a crowded space she is going to move from very excited to utterly overwhelmed in a matter of minutes. I know that when I pick her up she needs to eat and to settle in the pram, before making a sound.
I’m a sensitive mother; I do so many different things in one day, and I’m always so short in time that I normally pick up my little love with a head still full of thoughts and ideas; hugging her calms me down instantly, and pushing her home in silence is the perfect buffer time before an evening filled with fun activities.
Don’t feel obliged to be always interesting and to have to motivate your child every second of your life; but you have the option to do it in an interactive and fun manner, which will strengthen your relationship in the years to come. And if you decide to do that, open your ears, and be ready to listen; some answers are going to be funny and heart-warming, others are going to be challenging and heartbreaking, and that’ when you, as an adult, has the power to step in into your child’s life and bring perspective on thing. Enjoy and good luck!
