Can a Mindset Shift Make you a Better Mum?

You are not alone.

Some months ago (3 to be precise) I had sort of a revelation.
I was all worked up because I had plenty of things that needed to be ticked off in a very short time frame; to be specific, I had to be creative and put together a lunch box for my starving toddler (as she moved from eating heaps of spoon fed, veggies loaded puree to…nothing), have a shower, tidy the house, have breakfast, pack my bag for work, make up the bed, read and reply to an email and three messages, drop off my love to childcare and go to work.
All of it, after sleeping a mere 4 hours.
I felt dizzy with overwhelm.

And then, somewhere between placing some lavender drops on Luna’s bed sheet (praying for her to log in a decent night sleep somewhere along the way), and chopping and boiling some carrots while licking a spoonful of my pre-packed chia jar, I thought:
“What If I love all of this?”, and all of a sudden the anxiety dropped, I smiled and I started sprinting around the house with a newly found energy.

This was a huge shift for me. Mindset shifts aren’t natural, as they are learned with devotion and practice.
Back then I read this sentence and I fell head over heels for it “Having a growth mindset (the belief that you are in control of your own ability, and can learn and improve) is the key to success. Yes, hard work, effort, and persistence are all important, but not as important as having that underlying belief that you are in control of your own destiny.”

I truly believe a success mindset can be applied not only to our career but also to our family and love life. Don’t we all want to improve our relationship and the way we live our everyday lives?

This is what has worked for me, and I hope to inspire some mothers along the way:

Define your whys
I didn’t need to change my mindset, as I could have peacefully lived my life anyway. But I chose to. I chose to change my mindset because I commit every day to be the best possible (within limits of course) mother, wife, and human. I have made the decision to cook Luna’s meals from scratch, to work on my own, and to have a clean house. No one is sticking a gun to my head, and I have decided to value my priorities; they are important to me, so I might as well enjoy the process. Making lunch for Luna isn’t a burden, it could actually be a time where I challenge my creativity and cooking skills, and where I learn something I can teach to other mothers in the future. And this attitude can be applied to any other part of my life.
Define your whys and your daily tasks will have so much more purpose and value because of it.

Repeat your whys as a mantra
I want to give Luna the best possible nutrition.
I want to become a skilled nutritionist in the postpartum stage.
I want to give the chance to my husband to walk inside a rubbish and mess free house.
I want to keep the passion in our relationship.
I want to write.
Whatever it is for you, remind yourself every day what you are doing and why you are doing it. If you can’t find your “why”, it means that there is some soul gardening that needs to be done.
Maybe you don’t really care about having a clean house, and dusting your furniture isn’t a mindfulness exercise but an actual burden; if so ask, outsource, delegate. And move on and focus on your whys.

Make a plan and Embrace Discipline
Once that all your ducks (whys) are in a row and you have prioritised what is really important for you, make a plan.
How can I make sure my daughter has a nice variety of foods offered to her on a daily basis? I make a list of what needs to be bought, I ask my husband to shop (as I have discussed it in a previous post, I dislike shopping) and then I spend 1 hour on the weekend and 15 minutes every day to make her meals. It’s on my calendar, and unless there is something major happening, that’s what I do every single week.
The same goes when it comes down to my career. I spend 1.5 hours a day out of Luna’s naptime to write and research. Every day; I don’t give myself an option as I know that’s what I want to do, and writing is what will help me in the long term to achieve the best version of my life.
This sometimes means saying no to coffee (s) with friends, avoid going for a run, or scrolling IG when I’m tired. Discipline is obviously needed, which is why it’s important to have a plan and a timeframe to achieve it.

Be Gentle with yourself
Sickness can happen; your baby can have a meltdown; so many things can go wrong on a daily basis. This is why it is important to be gentle with yourself when you can’t accomplish your tasks. Feeling guilty or anxious is quite pointless as it won’t solve the problem. On those days try to be mindful with the matter at hand. If your child needs to be supported, be present and give him your undivided attention; if you are sick, take the day off, go to bed and drink plenty of soothing ginger teas.
Enjoy the change in the routine and see if you can learn something more about yourself in the meantime.

Prioritise TLC (tender, loving, care)
I wouldn’t be able to function if I didn’t prioritise great food, exercise and a copious amount of time spent with my family on a weekly basis. Although I have a short and a long term plan, and I’m a quite disciplined person, I do allow myself to have fun and receive love.
I’m also quite vocal about my needs; I rarely put up with a tight back without asking for a massage; I do book the babysitter once every two weeks to have time to focus on the relationship with my partner (and to enjoy a cooked meal without the distraction of a crying bub); I know when to ask for some time away from my business and family when I feel overwhelmed or off balance.
I had to do a lot of work on myself to stop the guilt trap, but in the long term, I want my family to spend their time with the best version of myself.